Saturday, August 14, 2010

It Hit Me . . .

Tonight as I said farewell to two of my best friends, it hit me. I am leaving for Ningyuan, China in 54 hours. Of course it isn't a farewell, it is simply a see you later type thing. But still, it's sad. A lot can happen in four months. With the way things are in Utah, half the people I know will either be engaged, or pregnant! Besides the point, my heart is full. Bittersweet. As I closed a chapter in my life today of working my last day at Urban Blues, sweet nostalgia filled my heart as I locked the back door of this place of business. The company has been good to me no matter how often I complain about being cold due to my boss's menopause. I got the job when I came back from living in San Francisco last summer. I am all about adventure. I guess you can say, I hate sitting still. It has always been one thing after another with me. Ever since my parent's divorce six years ago, I have been running. Running from emotions that would sooner or later catch up to me. Running with anger, knowing that my life would never be the same. Running with a positive attitude hoping life would somehow turn out perfect in the end. But I only realized, it's not perfect. That in the little flaws there is something beautiful. Something that you cannot explain. There is something in that flat tire when you are in a hurry that makes you realize how funny life can be sometimes. I can no longer run from my life.

People have asked my why I chose to go to China to teach English and I never really had a strong answer. I kind of meandered my thoughts and told them I did it because I wanted to. This is the truth. I do want to do this with every fiber in my being. But why China? I have never been absolutely fond of Asians. Today I came to my conclusion. All of my best friends have left me to serve their church in a two-year mission. I never ruled that option out, but life has never been easy for me. I never plan out my future. I just take it one step at a time. The thought of a mission kind of freaked me out. So I found China Horizons and it felt right. My own mission. Serving the people in China for four months while receiving nothing in return. But will I receive nothing? Of course I will purchase hundreds of little souvenirs along the way that are super cheap and may not last too long, but is that it? I have a belief that I will grow beyond my years and become a man. I need to grow up. I may not always want to, but I need to. I need to find my calling in life. My niche. I am sure that four months living in a foreign country will help me guide a path in what I want to do with my life. The people in China are waiting for me, and I am waiting for them. You may think that four months, isn't that long, but I think it is just long enough. I am hoping that while in China I will learn to love myself. I hope to love everything about me. For when I love myself, I then can love another. I am not a firm believer in love. I may think it is wildy fanciful and often unrealistic. But that is the joy of life. Finding things out for your self. Maybe getting hurt in the end, but atleast you can learn something and take it with you in other relationships.

As you can see, I have a lot going on in my head while I sit on my bed and stare at my black suitcase half filled with random belongings. Tomorrow, I don't have to wake up at 7 am to go to work. I am no longer employed for the rest of the year. See you in January people. You will hopefully be hearing from me soon. On the other side of the world. Sorry for the random thoughts that are scattered about but these are my thoughts as I think them. No proof-reading necessary. Until next time . . .

SALT LAKE LONELY BOY

Thursday, August 5, 2010

One California Day

I'm home. I didn't ever want to return home. I love everything about California. Always have. I know someday, I will be out there permanently. I went on this vacation with my beautiful mom and sassy sister. It was a real treat. If I wasn't leaving for China in 11 days, I would have done a lot more shopping. It was a relaxing trip with lots of lounging around the beach, eating at delicious diners, and taking a lot of pictures. I love my family.
I don't think I can really pull off hats, but I had to buy this one because I loved it soo much.
love
Next year, me and a couple of buddies are moving down here for the summer and working at the Pier. Helping Newports Finest.
Stopped in St. George to see a close family friend, Madison.
Little friend in the Tide pools.
While eating my Balboa Bar, I saw this poster with the autographs of the whole OC cast. I was a little starstruck just from their signatures. Summer Roberts is ma gurl.
Stopped at Diagon Alley. only kidding. This is a perfume shop. I love HP.
Longboarded every where.
Seaweed Jump-rope
When I am wealthy and have a family, I will knock on this beach house door and say, "I would like to buy this house. Name the price. Any price."
I am still finding sand all over.
Home
R.I.P. Marissa Cooper.
Balboa.

See you soon, Newport Beach. I will miss you.

Salt Lake Lonely Boy.