Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Re-Affirmation

Sometimes you need a day where someone tells you how amazing you are. Because you can never hear it enough.

Today I had the opportunity to get some coffee with a dear friend of mine from my freshman year up here at Utah State. It's always nice catching up with old friends. We chatted for a couple hours and time flew.

Growing up in Utah isn't all that people make it seem to be. Don't get me wrong, I am so blessed to have been raised how I was raised, but it's different. Growing up, I was never strong in the church and I really had some personal experiences that made me question and fall away. People tended to look at me a little different at my high school when the majority were members. College came and I thought it would be a little different, but it wasn't. I got asked, "When are you leaving on your mission?" a lot and my response was, "Uhh. . I'm not." Some people accepted that, and some people didn't. The dating scene was challenging because you meet this amazing girl and she finds out you're not going on a mission and her whole mindset changes. Does that make me a bad person? People assume that if you didn't go on a mission, you have either: A.) made some mistakes B.) party a ton C.) are selfish

For me, none of those applied. It just wasn't for me.

So today, we discussed life and all that comes with it. There are only a couple of people that completely understand me and how I work, and my dear friend is one of them. We discussed how Spirituality is so important and how dare people accuse me of not having a close relationship with God just because I don't belong to their church. I realize that most of my blog readers are members, and I am not bashing you at all. I completely respect you. It was just nice to know that some people can still see the good in people even though they don't belong to the same religion. It was reassuring to know that the good in people often outweigh the bad. It made me look forward to the future. It was inspiring. It's so nice to have those people to go to who understand my relationship with God and how important it is to me. Because my God isn't different than yours.

I strongly suggest reading The Shack


to anyone who is interested in reading about Spirituality and how that word can mean so many different things. It changed my life. I hope I don't offend anyone because that is not what I meant to do. I am just grateful for people in my life who love me for me and not for my decisions or lack thereof.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Utah State Bucket List

So I made this little Bucket List my freshman year when I heard of all the fun things and traditions that Utah State does. Some of them I have finished, and some of them I am working on. Here it is . .

-Become A True Aggie

-Become An Ultimate Aggie (ride the bull naked)

-Touchdown Club(streak the football field from endzone to endzone)

-Sleep over in the Student Center

-Sleep over in the library

-Swim in the TSC fountains

-Sleep on the Quad

-Make out in the library

-Get a Scholarship

-Get arrested by the USU police

-Sleep in the Spectrum

-Be involved in an organization

-Run for ASUSU

-Get in the Police Blotter

-Kiss a professor (i guess the cheek counts)

-Punch Tai Wesley

-Clean the Sink

-Graduate in a program I love

-Go to the Nunnery






I LOVE UTAH STATE!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What It Is

This post is going to be a little all over the place, but just be patient with me. So I have this problem. You see, I am not one to wear my feelings out on my sleeves. I keep my thoughts and feelings inside unless I'm extremely comfortable with you, or I write it down here on my blog where I never have to vocalize it. I know I have had bad experiences in the past where I tell someone how I truly feel and it explodes in my face like when Seamus Finnigan attemps any charm/spell in Harry Potter. So I hardly do it. Ever. This issue/problem/set back has bitten me and will continue to bite me in the ass.

Lately things have been going so well in life. I am dating such an awesome girl who I don't deserve and often wonder "why me?" I have never been the relationship type. I have been close so many times, but I never let my guard down. Things are all great until it comes down to that fine wire. Then, I run. I always think of when the relationship will end before it even begins. Or I lead them on, then find another girl and then you know how that scenario ends. I love the chase. It excites me. It makes me feel alive. But here I am, in one of my favorite cities, dating a girl who I don't think I could ever get sick of.

You don't know how huge this is for me. I am actually committing myself to one person and I am completely ok with it. I love it. I am not running in the opposite direction while blaming it on some girl and how she wasn't content with the way things were going. When in fact, it was all me. Now I'm not saying I'm in love or anything like that, because you all know my stance on how love is fictional, but this is a feeling that I have never had. It excites me yet scares me all at the same time. I question myself every day though, because who knows what the future has in store? That scares me. Who knows if I can actually do this whole commitment thing. What if these walls are not ready to come down? What if I put myself out there and take that leap and then I plunge in to the black hole of loneliness? There is so much unknown. The unknown scares me. I like order. Having a set way.

Who knows what the future has in store for me, but I just hope I am ready for it. I just hope I am mature enough to handle it. So, future . . bring it on.