Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Missing The Orient

Picture overload. These pictures will mean absolutely nothing to you, but these make my heart ache. Today, I woke up missing adventure. I miss China. Never thought I would ever hear myself say that.

I miss being a celebrity every where you go. I miss fresh(and I mean fresh) cooked meals. I miss my asian students glistening and hanging on to my every word. I miss not knowing what adventures were ahead of me for the day. I miss receiving packages from my awesome family. I miss laughing while living in the most horrible circumstances. I miss crying in humility. I miss getting DVD's for less than a dollar. I miss speaking Chinese to locals and watching their mouths drop when I could actually respond to what they were saying. I miss walking in to my classroom while my students applaud in a standing ovation. I miss the terrible smells around every corner. I miss the sight of naked asian babies running around the rice patties. I miss taking pictures with complete randoms who touched my hair, face, and eyes. I miss waking up to the sounds of fireworks at 5 am. I miss skypeing loved ones. I miss going to the grocery store and having herds of families follow your every move. I miss traveling all across China by myself with the confidence that I will arrive at my destination in one piece. I miss the sleeper buses and trains. I miss the cigarettes being blown in my face. I miss being taken to a brothel against my will. I miss hostels.

Today, I miss everything about Asia and traveling. I need to get out and be adventurous. Sorry for the picture overload.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


No this post is not going to be about Taylor Swift, don't worry. Even though, I would love that. And you should too.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About life. My future. My relationships. My schoolwork.

It hit me, I live in a world surrounded by fear. My whole life, I have been fearful. Whether it be me and my fear of the dark, or the fear of someone sneaking in to my house and stealing my brand new bicycle. (I even kept it in my bedroom at night.) My life has been completely revolved around fear.

I have always been fearful, but why? I ask myself that question every single day. Growing up, I was afraid of everything.

Being late to school.

Getting a detention.

Disappointing my parents.

Getting bad grades.

Getting caught by the police every time my friends and I went toilet papering.

Getting in fights with people.

Growing up.

Getting a good job.

Hurting people's feelings.

Getting injured or killed by someone/something.

Getting caught with a messy room.

Before the days of unlimited texting, going over on my monthly plan.

and of course, getting emotionally hurt.

I was always that friend that would stop and say, "But you guys! We shouldn't! We could get in a lot of trouble!" I really was terrified of ever living in the moment. Being dangerous. Taking risks. Only in the past couple of years, have I branched out. Lived a little. Stepped out of my comfort zone. It's a growing process, and one that I am learning about every day. But why do we have fears? Why do I have more fears than most? Could it be of my intense parental relationships? My parents divorce? Me being picked on throughout elementary school by both my peers and my siblings? Where does it come from? It has to derive from somewhere, right? I can't figure it out, but I am guessing I never will. But that sucks for me, because here I am, still living in a subtle state of fear. I can't seem to let things go sometimes.

I have a fear of being vulnerable. It's the pits. I hate putting myself out there and exposing my inner self to people(especially girl) and being ok with it. Because who knows what will happen? Summer is right around the corner, someone is staying here in Utah while I go work in California. Long distance relationships don't work. Never will. Get that in your head. I am stuck in a place where I don't know what to do. Or what to say. But I will avoid talking about it/conflicts at all costs. Because that is who I am. I have a lot of growing up to do. I need to learn to let things go and just go with the flow. Not have fears. Because fears are major set backs in life. I just hope I can learn to face my fears, and do things in life that make me scared and exposed. I hear that you learn the most from them any way.

Ok, I'll include a Taylor Swift quote, just for you.
"To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s FEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS."
— Taylor Swift

Saturday, April 2, 2011

I Sold My Soul To The Devil

Yes. I surely did. Ok, not really, but kind of. I signed on to do Summer Sales. For those of my readers who are not from Utah, (which I highly doubt exist) I will quickly explain what Summer Sales is. Summer Sales . . . where to begin. Sales-based companies are companies that rely on 18-24 year old men and women to sell their products from door to door. These men and women are usually return missionaries who have experience with door to door activity. Their products are either; 1. Alarm Systems (the worst) 2. Dish/Cable (kinda weird) 3. Pest Control (even weirder) 4. Food Storage (good luck selling outside of Utah) 5. Scriptures on Tapes (good luck selling outside of Utah)

There is a perk about selling for the summer. "What," you may ask? They send you to cities all across the country. Some are definitely better than others. Definitely a perk if you're lucky.

You may be wondering which category I fall into. No, I cannot do Alarm Systems because. .

I don't have big enough muscles.

I don't have bedazzled jeans.

I don't take an hour to get ready.

I am not a good liar.

I don't drive a lifted truck.

and I don't own an iPhone.

The company I am doing for the Summer is Rhino Pest Services. You also may be wondering why I decided to do this one . .

I don't feel comfortable deceiving people in to sales (alarm systems) and I feel like this is the next easiest thing to sell. Pest Control. Why? Because you can make good money, if you're good in a short amount of time. The other reason why I decided to sell for Rhino is that I'll be packing up my things and moving in to a furnished, clean apartment in the heart of Orange County. suck on that. My dream come true. I really am so excited even though it will be hard work. I'm going with my best friend Jeff. We're bound to have a good time. hopefully

It has been a continuous joke amongst my friends that we are doing Summer Sales. For example, today I was on KSL looking for cars to buy and I came across a Rolls Royce. I looked over to Ryan and said, "After the Summer, I'll buy this with my Summer Sales money." We both shared a good laugh over it. I'll really surprise him with it when we move in to our apartment and I'll be unloading my stuff out of my Rolls Royce. Jokes on him.

Anyway, I think this next part might be a little covetous, but who cares? I really have created a wish list of things I will be purchasing by the end of the summer. These are things I want/need.

1. Black Acura TSX.

2.Macbook Pro

3. A Dog
4. A hanging chair for my apartment next school year.
5. A new Blackberry

I think that is just about it. Don't worry, I'll be putting a lot of it in savings too.

Thanks for listening. Wish me luck when I leave in a month!