Friday, October 28, 2011

Rollercoaster Life

I really shouldn't be blogging. It has been one hell of a week, I just finished watching Country Strong, I have taken a Xanax, I'm texting my ex-girlfriend, and I'm watching A Walk To Remember. These all make for a bad combination.

This past week has been a real tough one for me. I am not going to make this post some weird journal post where I spill out every emotion and feeling I have had, but it's been interesting. Really eye-opening. Where should we start. . . ? Maybe the day that I received an e-mail from a girl from my past that made my heart sink and my stomach tighten up. Isn't it funny? How one person can come back in to your life without even trying and flip your whole world upside down. It's always interesting to look back on the past. Truly analyze it with a more mature outlook. To experience those emotions that you have been hiding and ignoring for so long. Or the emotions that you tried to forget. They are always there, hiding, waiting to be released.

After overcoming that anxiety, I realized that I am a romantic. A romantic who wants to believe in love but just can't come up with any logical reasoning as to it's existence. Have I ever been "in love?"

NO

Have I thought I have been "in love?"

yes

But let me ask you this, in all honesty, what is love? what is the definition of love? I have been asking around and doing a lot of reading and I have come to the conclusion that it may be: "loving one other person more than you love yourself." That's the best definition I could come with, and I hope to experience it some day. In case you didn't know, I am an avid Tweeter, and a girl I am following tweeted, "There is not a better feeling than having a love reciprocated by someone with no doubts." For some reason, this Tweet made my mind explore things I didn't even think I could comprehend. I was up all night thinking about that. Have I ever experienced that? Maybe, but not really. Do I want to experience that? Of course! But what is stopping me? Could it be the fact that the only thing that relationships have in common is that they ALL END. Or maybe that heartbreak I feel whenever one of my relationship ends is almost more than I can bare and I don't even love the girl. Or maybe it's the fact that I am too stubborn to let other people know how I feel? A flaw I am aware of and definitely working on.

I'm sorry this post is all over the place, but my life is constantly revolving around that four letter word. LOVE. Everyone in my life talks about it, blogs about it, tweets about it, says it. I just don't get it. I hope to some day figure it out. So while I am on my journey to find love and it's meaning, be patient with me and maybe help me along the way. Until then, I'm learning.




P.S. I love my friends. They are so great. I am constantly surrounded by people who love me and are always there for me. God may not have sent me with the gift to love and have some eternal soul mate, but my friends are the best damn friends on this earth and for that, I am so blessed.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Why Do I Run?

I did it. I ran the St. George marathon for the 3rd time.

I was super stoked up until 2 weeks prior to the race. My sister planned on having her and 11 of her friends to go run Napa Valley Ragnar the 2nd week of September. I was jealous so I told her that if she were to need someone, to count me in. Well, one of her friends backed out so I was in. I was soooo stoked. I love Ragnar Relays. If you haven't done one, then do it as soon as you can. Well we were all stoked about it, then one by one my sister's friends ALL backed out. No joke. So we asked my friends. Me and 3 of my friends were all planning on it. I trained really well for it because I needed to qualify for the Boston marathon this year. I ran with my friends a couple of times and then one by one, my friends all backed out as well. Minus Zeek. The biggest flake of all my friends. He held true to his word and ran it with me. We drove to San Francisco and stayed with my family there and hardly got any sleep. I was nervous because we were running with 8 of 12 runners so Stacey, her friend, and I had to make up the other legs. I ended up running a total of 31 miles and pulled 2 ligaments out of my ankle including my achilles. You should have seen it. It was YUGE. It was fun. But I was miserable.





So I went to a physical therapist and he insisted on me not running the marathon. Jokes on him. I wasn't going to let 4 months of training to go down the drain. So I went. Naturally. I was excited about it. There's something about the St. George Marathon that just excites me. It's such a well-organized race with hundreds of awesome volunteers and spectators. Plus, my best friend Kara was down there and is always with my family at the finish line. It was awesome. So I started fairly strong. I was setting a good pace to qualify for Boston up until mile 4 when my ankle cramped up and my sister's headphones went out. Me, being the gentlemen I am, gave my sister mine so I could leave her and know that she would finish strong. Mile 10 came up, and the pain shooting through my right leg/ankle was excruciating and I knew that once I stopped I wouldn't be able to start up again. I ran through the pain and finished in an hour longer than expected. Atleast I finished, right? There is always next year to qualify. If I'm still living after this ankle injury. Keep me in your prayers.