Wednesday, November 30, 2011

I Don't Wanna Be No Grown Up

Life is so funny.

It really is.

It always has a funny way of slapping you in the face while saying, "I told you so."

Growing up, I always made little promises to myself. I always desired something different. Something better. I always wanted to grow up. Be an adult. Live on my own. Go to a good college. Have my own car with my own music playing. No rules to live by. To meet some beautiful girl and to fall in love. Obviously not the love my parents exemplified. Hence their divorce. I was going to do things differently. I was going to do things my way. I was going to take the mistakes my parents made and learn from them. To be a better person. I just wanted to grow up and live a perfect life with no problems because I thought I was better than problems. I was smarter than that. I knew right from wrong. I couldn't possibly ever make mistakes along the way, right?

wrong

As I am sitting here, in my 21 year old body, I think to myself, "What have I even done along the way? How am I so messed up? How am I 21 years old?" I feel so old. I know most of you are thinking, "YOU ARE SO YOUNG!" But I am in Utah! Half of my friends from my freshman year are either married, or with children. I feel so old and so discombobulated. How did I think I would have it all figured out?

That's what's so funny. How naive your mind can be when you're 12 years old. You have the whole world in front of you and you think you can conquer anything that comes at you. I wish I was still that 12 year old boy. Prank calling girls at 11 at night. Riding my bike to Petsmart to purchase 12 cent gold fish and put them in my pond. Wondering what Pokemon cards I was going to trade with my neighbors once they got their allowance. Sleeping over at Cody's house and hoping his parents wouldn't find out that we toilet papered the neighbors with a whole 6 pack of t.p.

I wish I still had that mentality. That I could conquer the world. That even if things were terrible, that I could pick up the pieces and that I would learn and never settle for anything but the best. That I could never make those mistakes that my parents and peers made because I looked at them and felt pity for them.

Now how does one change their mentality on life? How does one have such a confident outlook on life? Because life hands you lemons and you have no idea as to what to do with them. Because your friend who had those exact same lemons decided to make lemonade and that lemon exploded and they got citric acid in their eye. So you see, I have these lemons. These lemons of all different shades of yellow. These lemons of all different sizes, and I have no idea as to what to do with them.

1 comment:

  1. damn. 21 years old and married? that do happened in my country, but its getting rarer.

    hey. im from malaysia, n has been reading ur blog for some time. quite interesting actually. btw, i just love ur latest post on ur uncle n aunty. i just hope she'll found love, again.

    do blog again,
    Shawal Ras

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