Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Flattery

Hello, you. Sorry it's been a while. I first started this blog as a private journal. To write down my inner most thoughts and feelings and have complete strangers get a perspective into my life. I have always been a private guy. I never expose too much about myself. I then told a couple of friends about it, who then told their friends, which told their friends and relatives and I became somewhat embarrassed by how people I knew had complete access to my thoughts and feelings. It's interesting for strangers to stop by and give me their two cents, but when it's my peers and relatives I got a little weirded out.

:/

Hence why I slowly stopped blogging. But then I realized that blogs are such an awesome way to express yourself without verbally expressing yourself. I didn't think too many people read this blog, up until a cute girl found me on twitter (shout out to @TannerAdell) and told me she was a fan of my writing and that she was bummed I don't blog any more. I was BEYOND flattered and shocked that someone I didn't really know likes to read my blog. I felt like Taza or something.

So here goes nothing. and thanks Tanner.

The world around me is constantly changing while I sit around and watch these changes happen. These past couple of months have been the most challenging and most rewarding of my life. One of my dear friends from freshman year passed away which shook my world more than I would have ever imagined. Chayse was a perfect example of living your life to the fullest without caring about judgements of others. Miss him. Death has been lingering around me for the past couple of years and it is something I don't know how to deal with. People can prepare for the beginning of a new life, but you are never prepared for the end of one. Especially one so precious and young. It was a hard time and I didn't think (and still don't) that it was his time to leave this Earth. Huge life lessons were learned. The hard way. It just so happened that the week of his passing was when a Management final was due. I did it. half-assed and got a C- in the class. I can't get below a C+ so that pushed my graduation date back a semester. I bawled. I cried. I laughed. I knew Chayse would be laughing too. I transferred my credits to the University of Utah where I thought I could run away from adding a semester on to graduation, but turns out you have to finish your last 30 credits there. It sucks. I want to be done with school so badly when the world is telling me to stay. Which brings me on to my next point.

I have been rushing to be done with school and now I don't even know if I am studying what I should be. My life is a joke. Full of so many choices and I don't know where to begin choosing them.

During this last semester I met a girl. Not a girl. A young woman. Who understands me from the inside out. She makes me happy even on the gloomiest days. When I first saw her in that International Business class I thought she was there by accident. Not that many beautiful girls are in my classes. Trust me. But I gained the courage to talk to her one day. We ended up studying together a lot. Turns out, she lives down the street from me back home and went to a neighboring high school. We both moved home for the summer and it has been the best summer of my life. I gave her warnings that I am damaged goods. Goods nonetheless, but I've got a couple cracks on this heart of mine. She simply responded that she doesn't care. Take it one day at a time and enjoy what we have here. It was then, that my heart softened a bit and I could even say that I like her. I like her a lot. holy shit. i can't believe i said that

So life is just dandy. We live in a world full of nothing but opportunities. Thankfully, I am surrounded by such an amazing support system. Starting with my family who pushes me to be better while also enjoying the little things along the way. Life is to be enjoyed, not endured. My awesome friends. Ever since Chayse has passed, I realized that friendships are precious. Be sure to enjoy them and to let your friends know how much you truly love them. Even if it makes them feel a little awkward. My friends put up with so much of my bullshit but I guess it's what they get for being around someone who is as much fun as me. Kind of kidding. Kind of.

But seriously, life is so damn short. You never know when it's gonna be snuffed short. So live it up. Enjoy the ride. If you're unhappy with something, change it. Don't wait for it to change on it's own.

lonely.boy